FARCE/FILM's Worst Films of 2009

Earlier this week I doled out my picks for the top films of 2009 and the decade, and today offer a far more dubious distinction. I saw sixty movies last year, and the below ten are the worst of the worst. Unsurprisingly, this list was easier to compile, but is accented by far more sour memories. Each pick includes a hyperlink to my original reviews where applicable. Grab a clothes pin and enjoy.

10. Public Enemies
I've never heard a film released with worse audio-editing. That the visuals are marked by ugly and overblown digital noise is the icing on the cake for this Michael Mann snoozer. I wasn't keeping track, but I think "Public Enemies" may hold a personal record for most sideways-phone-glances.

9. World's Greatest Dad
A hilariously dark premise is all but ruined by Bobcat Goldthwait's unfocused screenplay and amateurish direction. Like this year's "Observe and Report," some will call any transgressive comedy great based on gall alone, but "World's Greatest Dad" crescendos to a sappy ending that totally undercuts the tone.

8. Watchmen
This blisteringly over-long exercise in melodrama is further proof that Zack Snyder makes the world's least-articulate comic book films. I'll be the first to admit the opening montage is awesome, but the rest of the film is nigh indescipherable to anyone who hasn't read the novel. Fan service is one thing, directing a film is another.

7. The Hangover
I've waged war on this film ever since sitting through it stone-faced last June. It's popularity baffles and infuriates me. The premise gives the writers essentially free reign to write any comic scenario they choose, and they settle for half-baked celebrity cameos and animal gags.

6. X-Men Origins: Wolverine
I remember probably a combined two minutes of this film.

5. Everybody's Fine
Even as tepid family dramas go, "Everybody's Fine" is bad. Its charcters are cardboard surrogates for human beings, and the only thing more laughable than their supposed 'problems' are the ridiculous lengths they go to cover them up. It's hard not to feel bad for the neutered shell of Robert DeNiro in the lead.

4. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
2009's dumbest summer blockbuster (if only by a hair), the second "Transformers" film seems to take every flaw of its predecessor and expand upon it, with bludgeoning action, transparent characters, and a plot that moves just slightly faster than the speed of logic.

3. Humpday
"Humpday" is an indie comedy built on "hilarious" performances and improvised "dialogue," but mostly succeeds in delivering an unintentionally dislikable protagonist and one of the most anticlimactic endings of all time.

2. Terminator Salvation
"Transformers" may have been the dumbest blockbuster of the summer, but "Terminator: Salvation" was the worst. The high-contrast look of the film saps not only the color from the franchise, but any and all traces of fun. I challenge anyone to explain to me who was doing what and why over the course of this pretentiously operatic, testosterone-drunk mess.

1. The Twilight Saga: New Moon
I'd feel guilty about this choice if I hadn't actually sat through it. I know it seems like a fanboy gimme, but I can assure you first-hand that "Twilight: New Moon" is every bit as awful as you've heard. Objectively, there isn't an ounce of legitimate craftmanship on display in the film, which lies somewhere between an oozingly depressive highschool sob-circle and soft-core male pornography. I may not have bought a ticket, but I overpaid.

'Spider-Man 4' Delay A Catalyst for 2011 Scheduling Change-Up

Paramount isn’t missing a beat. With news of production potentially being delayed on Sony’s “Spider-Man 4,” another Marvel Comics tent-pole has been hammered into its now-uncertain May 6th, 2011 release slot—“Thor,” which was previously set to bow only two weeks later. Not to be outdone, Disney almost immediately hijacked the vacated May 20th spot, dating yet another ‘4,’ the fourth installment in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” series, “On Stranger Tides.”

The shuffle shapes what looks to be another bofo summer blockbuster season, even if the films in question have yet to prove themselves. The delay for Sam Raimi’s latest web-slinger, for instance, has reportedly been enacted due to issues with the script, a problem any patron of “Spider-Man 3” would likely concede is worth sorting out.

“Thor,” on the other hand, is an unproven live-action property directed by Kenneth Branagh, who’s previously been best known as a director of Shakespeare adaptations like “Much Ado About Nothing” and “Love’s Labor Lost.” His take on this Norse actioner could go the way of “Catwoman” or “Daredevil” just as easily as it could “Dark Knight” or “Iron Man.” Obviously Paramount is banking on the latter.

Lastly, the fourth “Pirates” film arrives without the veteran direction of Gore Verbinski, and it remains to be seen what effect his absence will have on the franchise, which many believe has overstayed its welcome as is.

But regardless of how 2011 compares to recent summers, this scheduling change-up may be moot if “Spider-Man” gets its act together. Marvel would be crazy to cannibalize ticket sales by releasing two competing films on the same weekend, and with “Pirates” so quick to gobble-up the May 20 slot, this Hollywood game of musical chairs would likely force “Thor” to move again.


Thanks to Variety.

"A Single Man" Review

"A Single Man" is your prototypical awards hound. It has rich atmosphere, assured performances, and not an ounce of originality. The debut of openly gay director Tom Ford, who previously made his name in fashion design, is a curiously impersonal film, a contented period drama about the loss of a partner, and a long hour and forty minutes. The storytelling is generally reserved and mature, but straightforward to a fault, packing shopworn scenarios and relationship dynamics that, while successful enough on their own merit, fail to elevate the material beyond each inherent cliche.

But one of the biggest reasons "A Single Man" never soars is that it suffers from some confusing and amateurish stylistic choices. Early in the film, for example, George Falconer (Colin Firth) peers out of his bathroom window. Through filter effects and desaturated imagery, we meet a family straight out of a sixties public service announcement. The actors address the camera, as though we might literally be watching some 8mm home movie. Surely these are George's memories. However, the scene, which spans multiple shots and angles, ends with a mother turning starkly to her side. We cut back to George, who ducks to avoid her gaze. Never mind that there's almost no way that she could literally have seen him through a fence, foliage, and into the dim interior of his bathroom, but the visual shorthand indicates we had moved in space and time. The perspectives from which we see of the family are totally incongruent with George's, but we're still led to believe that these two stylistically independent scenes are occurring simultaneously and within mere feet of one another.

And that series of misleading cuts is a minor gripe compared to a mistake made in the overall sequence of scenes. "A Single Man" begins with a dream in which George is beside Jim (Matthew Good), his dead lover, on a frozen river, a car overturned behind them. Jim is dead. The scene is undoubtedly the most visually striking in the film, but its placement completely undercuts the power of a following flashback, during which we witness George receiving the call informing him of Jim's demise. The scene might have been quite potent if we hadn't already been shown the body, but Ford relegates it to superfluous reiteration in showing it to us second. As a result, rather than carrying the emotional weight that it should, the scene feels languid, heavy-handed, and manipulatory.

Worse still is that Ford doesn't seem to understand his own protagonist. A contemplative discussion between George and a colleague is derailed by point-of-view shots of nearby shirtless male tennis players. The director uses close-ups and slow motion to add emphasis to each glowing Adonis, even though it doesn't makes sense for Firth's character. George is intellectual and collected, but harbors a deep sorrow, which is and should always be the root of the film. The loss of Jim weighs heavily on him, so to turn around and have him ogling others in a completely inappropriate context is beyond counter-productive; it's developmental sabotage. Had the same relationship been heterosexual, the close-ups thereby featuring women in sports bras glistening in motion, it would be clear our protagonist is an insincere pervert, which George clearly isn't. Ford employs a dangerous double standard in this imagery.

The bottom line is that "A Single Man" is a mediocre drama riding high on Oscar buzz in at best a middling awards season. The performances by Firth, Good, Nicholas Hoult, and Julianne Moore are opaque, but the content of their exchanges wants badly for substance. Their playbook passion undermines what could have been a deeply resonant human story, which is instead utterly neutered by pretension. There simply isn't one genuinely surprising or transgressive moment in the film, even in scenes that take a lighthearted approach to suicide and prostitution.

"A Single Man" may disguise itself well-enough through impressive art design as an awards-caliber film, but behind the slick veneer and A-list stars, this paint-by-numbers portrait of heartbreak is singularly underwhelming.

2.5/5

FARCE/FILM Episode 26: A Single Man

--> Episode 26: 01/03/10 <--

Hosts: Colin George, Suman Allakki, Jonathan Mauer

Intro - 00:00

Top 5 - 01:45

A Single Man (spoilers) - 11:08

Discussion - 32:53

(Top 5 of '09)

Suman's Corner - 47:43

At-home Movie Round-up - 52:28

Events and Outro - 57:10

"A Single Man"

Colin:

Suman:

Jon:

'ID4' Hits the Boards

The news may sound straight out of “Be Kind Rewind,” but a real-life team of students from the Savannah College of Art and Design have chosen Roland Emmerich’s “Independence Day” as the latest in a series of no-budget, tongue-in-cheek stage adaptations of Hollywood blockbusters. Under the name Old Murder House Theater, the group is spearheaded by Sam Edison, who writes and directs the shows.

Edison’s team is an offshoot of the Savannah fimmakers' War Room Collective, and has already brought Steven Spielberg’s “Jurassic Park” and an auspicious double-billing of “The Lion King” and “Predator” to the boards, and that’s just act I of their creative endeavor.

Edison has plans to bring his low-fi versions of “Independence Day” and “Jurassic Park” from Murder House’s new home in Austin coast to coast, with stops in Los Angeles, Philadelphia, and of course, Savannah. But Edison isn’t content to just rest on his laurels, either. “We’re going to Savannah in March to do ‘Men in Black’ and ‘Aladdin,’” he says.

With his clear affection for the nineties, the possibilites are rich for future Edison/Old Murder House Theater productions. I'm personally holding out hope for “Braveheart.”

You can check out a clip of Edison's "Independence Day" below. Thanks to cinematical.

ID4: Off Broadway from Samuel Eidson on Vimeo.

FARCE/FILM's top movies of 2009 and the decade!

Happy new year! With another year and decade behind us, it's our obligation as web-savvy movie enthusiasts to clog the internet with "best of" lists. Below you'll find my top ten films of 2009, and my top twenty films of the decade, with hyperlinks to my original reviews where applicable. Enjoy, and feel free to tear my choices to shreds in the comments section.

Top 10 Films of 2009

10. Cold Souls
9. Where the Wild Things Are
8. Ponyo
7. Drag Me to Hell
6. The Princess and the Frog

5. Star Trek
4. Fantastic Mr. Fox
3. Inglourious Basterds
2. Antichrist
1. A Serious Man


Top 20 Films of the Decade

20. Mulholland Drive
19. Kill Bill
18. Spirited Away
17. Borat
16. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
15. Let the Right One In
14. A Mighty Wind
13. WALL-E
12. Inglourious Basterds
11. Adaptation

10. Encounters at the End of the World
9. Ratatouille
8. Antichrist
7. Oldboy
6. The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
5. Storytelling
4. A Serious Man
3. The Royal Tenenbaums
2. There Will Be Blood
1. Sideways

"Sherlock Holmes" Review

"Sherlock Holmes" by way of Guy Ritchie sounds about as good a pairing as Michael Bay and the Old Testament, but the director's mainstream sensibility and testosterone-infused filmography color a surprisingly inoffensive adaptation, thanks in large part to the charismatic performances of Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law as Holmes and Watson, respectively. I have a hunch that longtime fans of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's intrepid detective may be put off by Ritchie's brawn over brains approach to the material, which paints its protagonist as ostensibly an Indiana Jones, but the film suffices as harmless fun if not a serious head scratcher.

Action invariably supersedes mystery, and unraveling Holmes' latest case leads to fisticuffs more often than not, but purists needn't worry that their hero has been stripped entirely of his intellect. Even in one of countless gratuitous fight sequences with "Matrix"-esque speed-ramping, Ritchie's Holmes is always portrayed as a thinker. He carefully calculates the impact of each of his blows, instantaneously deriving the quickest route to his enemy's defeat before its painful execution. The screenplay employs this method of doubling back on a scene to reveal the product of Holmes' clever schemes throughout, heightening sequences that might otherwise consist of purely expository dialogue.

Where I do take issue with the film, however, is in the mystery itself, which never packs the sort of revelations the genre typically needs to. The plot is centered on one Lord Blackwood (Mark Strong), an occultist and murderer who is sentenced to death by hanging, only to return from grave shortly thereafter. Perhaps I pack my own skepticism in this interpretation, which is partly why I don't consider it a spoiler, but it was always clear to me that Blackwood was an illusionist. His feats of supposed magic don't seem incredible enough to not have a rational explanation, and as a result, the disclosure of their orchestration is less surprising than merely satisfactory. Fortunately, the sequence of events that lead Holmes to this predictable discovery is less transparent. In fact, often the contrary, though perhaps more due to staccato pacing and thick accents than legitimate intrigue, but it's nevertheless more fun to be one step behind Holmes than one in front.

Still, the film has plenty more going for it to make it worth a family or friendly outing. Hans Zimmer provides a memorable score, and the production design creates a surprisingly authentic turn-of-the-century London, especially in comparison to other big-budget period blunders like Peter Jackson's 2005 adaptation of "King Kong," which took at best a half-hearted approach to recreating the thirties. Ritchie's team impresses with moody interiors and muddy streets only occasionally blemished by over-indulgent CGI cityscapes. The chemistry between Downey Jr. and Law compensates for a disappointing script, and keeps the film from feeling like a slog.

"Sherlock Holmes" is neither a triumph nor a disaster, and while 2009 may have brought us plenty of better blockbusters, it delivered just as many worse. "Holmes" has enough charm and wit to recommend for an impromptu cineplex Saturday, especially heading into what looks like a tepid January. It turns out the world-class sleuth and Guy Ritchie make a decent pair after all, and with an ending that clearly assumes a sequel, the greatest mystery is not if they'll re-team, but when.

3/5