"The Twilight Saga: New Moon" Review

It really freaked me out when I first realized celebrities were getting younger than me. Two weeks out from twenty-three, I'm already starting to feel like an old fart. And so, in the interest of open-mindedly embracing my juniors' most recent box office obsession, or at least in an attempt to distance myself from those who've congested the internet with second-hand cynicism, I offered the Twilight Saga two hours of my time. Now, I've never read any of Stephanie Meyers' novels, and I haven't seen the first film, so my litmus test may be flawed from inception, but I gleaned enough from "New Moon" to not only catch up with its angsty supernatural love triangle, but also to deem it dead on arrival.

Chief among its misconceptions, "New Moon" is packaged as a blockbuster but deals heavily in the abstract. The heart of the film is loss and the desired effect should be a visual provocation of melancholy, but the story is often too silly (werewolfs) or too melodramatically pretentious (vampires) to earn the incessant pouting or self-pity of its egotistical protagonist, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart). The film attempts her brain surgery with boxing gloves.

This second installment in the series also presumes its audience is already deeply invested in Bella's relationship with the 109 year-old vampire, Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), but as a stand-alone film, we're given nothing that suggests the legitimate profundity of their connection except for the sweet, cliched nothings they whisper to each other, one-dimensionally enamored in such a way as to suggest that the feelings they share are much too vague to be accurately filed, 'love.' If anything, their relationship seems only to reinforce the high school stereotype of overeager hormones as a surrogate for genuine affection. And as for Bella's centennial significant other, what does her grating persona offer that eleven decades of other women hasn't? Furthermore, where does this relationship fall in regards to pedophilia?

The film is further cheapened by its abbreviated visual shorthand for male attractiveness. Falling cleanly in step with the grand tradition of sexualizing women in boy's comic book films, The hunks of "New Moon" (which would make a great 2010 wall calendar), add little more than perfectly parted hair and bare, toned abdomens to the proceedings. Exhibit A: one Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), teenage grease monkey, wolfman, and all-around studmuffin, with whom Bella seeks solace after being left by Edward. The movie plays itself as a reconciliation piece for the majority of the achingly insubstantial second act, with Bella learning to cope with heartbreak and carry on. Her maturation is completely undercut, however, in that she won't allow herself to view Jacob as a replacement for Edward, and in a narrow elusion of Shakespearian tragedy at the end (call it Romeo and Juliet and Dracula and the Wolfman), is happily reunited with him. The excessive, plodding character development is rendered entirely ineffectual because everyone ends up precisely where they began.

--With one exception, which makes for perhaps the most ludicrously unnecessary cliffhanger in the history of franchise filmmaking. Bella wants in on the vampire scene, which like everything, Edward is moodily adverse to. In the final moments of the film, he agrees to grant her wish on one condition--her hand in marriage. Bella gasps, credits roll. I mean, shouldn't that go without saying? What else would this dunce call a life of eternal commitment? She'll swear her undying love and accept the curse of perpetual life, but has never considered the 'M' word? Are you kidding me?

"New Moon" is a film that will be enjoyed almost exclusively by fans that are either too familiar or too enamored with the source material to judge it objectively. The premise seems to have potential as a bleak independent film, but these characters are marginalized to the point of virtual nonexistence. The emotional core of the film, its relationships, are unconvincing, and as pure spectacle, the action is unexciting. The themes have been more eloquently expressed in a thousand better films, and the visual effects have been surpassed by nearly every other major blockbuster this year. In short, "New Moon" is a corporate impression of art that rings hollow with each simulated emotion. It exists solely to sell a label.

So call me an old fart or take this review as further proof that you don't need to know the series to hate it, I can't disagree. Like an actual new moon, there's really nothing to see.

1/5

FARCE/FILM Episode 22: Up in the Air

-->Episode 22: 12/07/09 <--

Hosts: Colin George, Tyler Drown, and Laura Rachfalski

Intro - 00:00
Top 5 - 03:51

Up in the Air (Spoilers) - 12:32

Second Opinion - 37:12

("Bruno")

Tyler's Movie Round-up - 49:00

Events and Outro - 54:33

"Up in the Air"

Colin:

Tyler:

Laura:

Comcast One Step Closer to World Domination

If you don’t fall under the long arm of Comcast, a locale known euphemistically as “Comcast Country,” you’re generally considered quite fortunate by those who do. The cable, telephone, and internet provider is renowned amongst its patrons for fritzy technology and antithetical 'customer service.' So news that the corporation is expanding its global presence through the acquisition of a majority stake in NBC/Universal is especially troubling to us.

The merger, which sees a cool $37 and a half billion exchanging hands, was unveiled Thursday, and must now pass through what could be as long as a nine month approval process, during which a governmental regulatory body will determine whether or not it presents the cable operator with “undue advantages” over its competitors. Poor FiOS, somebody oughta stick up for you.

Meanwhile, ground level Comcast subscribers will likely notice little change if and when the merger goes through, though company chairman CEO Brian Roberts has lofty long-term goals for the acquisition. The purchase is his vindictive response to the troubling trend (troubling for Comcast) towards free online streaming services like Hulu, which all but negate the need for subscription based home cable. Via the NBC/Universal merger, Comcast will gain greater control over how, where, when, and for what price the public consumes their entertainment, including the popular NBC series “30 Rock” and “The Office.” It’s probably a little less ‘Evil Empire’ than it sounds, and the merger could offer potential benefits such as Universal Studios’ films arriving earlier on Comcast On Demand, but considering the company’s attempted hostile takeover of Disney a few years back, I'm inclined to believe these are the sort of cutthroat businessmen I’m already unhappy to be paying on a monthly basis.

My other fear is that Comcast will continue to annex media outlets, though Roberts says the NBC acquisition renders his company “Strategically complete.” Nevertheless, the last thing I want is the corporation that can’t keep my laptop connected to the internet awarding itself greater responsibility, and piling more and more media onto its plate. They’re overeating as it is.

To read about the merger in excruciating technical detail, I recommend THIS article at Variety.

"Fantastic Mr. Fox" Review

Wes Anderson's "Fantastic Mr. Fox" is a different breed of animated film. It bares a disarming emotional maturity coupled with a sweetly mischievous cartoony vitality that both renews my faith in Anderson as a director and reaffirms 2009 as a hell of a year for animation.

Things were admittedly getting rocky between the indie auteur and I. "The Royal Tenenbaums," the perfect nexus of Anderson's flamboyant cinematic technique, borderline obsessive-compulsive art direction, and satirically bourgeois humor, was proceeded by two films with all the technical and artistic flare of his best work, though his families of dryly depressive characters, often portrayed by a stock catalogue of recycled actors, began feeling increasingly redundant and masturbatory. His follow-up to "Tenenbaums" was "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou," a puzzlingly defended film distinguished by breathtaking visuals, smarmy caricatures, and unrepentant vacuity. 2007's "Darjeeling Limited" surpassed that film in substance, but Anderson still felt like he was running on fumes, incapable of a single wholly original character or relationship. For his grandiose symmetrical photography and audacious camerawork, the guy could be a dead ringer for Kubrick if his stories were up to snuff. Anderson needed a change, and "Fantastic Mr. Fox" is everything he and his audience could have hoped for.

It's not just that the film revels in gorgeous traditional stop-motion claymation, rich with its tactile textures and charmingly rippling fur, or the magnanimity of the miniature set-pieces, or backdrops lit with the deep auburns and siennas of perpetual sunset. "Mr. Fox" has a story, and a pretty good one at that, courtesy children's author Roald Dahl, adapted for the screen by Anderson and Noah Baumbach. The director's meticulous perfectionism actually feels more at home in the world of animation, which from inception presents the heightened reality he strives for. The dolly shots and intricate sets suddenly service the storytelling rather than primp Anderson's aggressive showmanship.

But contrary to what the exuberant color palette and genial clay critters might suggest, "Fantastic Mr. Fox" is not really a film geared to young children, though they'll no doubt appreciate it for the animalistic silliness and amiable pace. Rather it's the subtext, Mr. Fox (George Clooney) and his midlife crisis, which will resonate most with adults. The film has a surprising amount to say about our own animal nature through the anthropomorphizing of its critters, who will frequently drop their civilized countenances to hiss or snarl or gobble down food, but which somehow makes them feel all the more relatable.

Case in point, Mr. Fox gives up his danger-prone life of killing chickens to raise a family (taking up a more pedestrian gig in the field of--gag!--journalism), but finds himself drawn back to his life's modus operandi for 'one last big score.' Dahl and Anderson are not afraid to portray unpleasantness, nor do they gloss over the fact that Mr. Fox does some not-especially-nice things to the birds he catches. The film never talks down to a potentially younger audience, and the difference is immediately refreshing when compared to children's films that are merely content to cast nasty creatures as pleasant surrogate humans.

"Fantastic Mr. Fox" is the deepest animated movie of the year, and I think the best, if only by a hair. "The Princess and the Frog" is a serious contender as well, though being a fairy tale, it often doesn't pack the punch or offer the rewarding surprises Wes Anderson's film does. It actually shares more in common with Spike Jonze's "Where the Wild Things Are" than this year's Disney, Pixar, or Dreamworks efforts. "Mr. Fox" is more effortlessly charming and poignant that that commendable film, and holds its own among the year's best live action as well. It's a film that pairs adventure with a markedly fresh family drama, tenderness and love with the unpredictable and the untamed.

In short, it's a wild animal.

4.5/5

FARCE/FILM Episode 21: Fantastic Mr. Fox, New Moon

-->Episode 21: 12/03/09 <--

Hosts: Colin George, Suman Allakki, and Laura Rachfalski

Intro -- 00:00 - 02:04
Top 5 -- 02:05 - 10:02
Fantastic Mr. Fox -- 10:03 - 41:05

Twilight Saga: New Moon (Spoilers) -- 35:55 - 51:46

I Can't Believe You've Never Seen -- 51:47 - 56:43

Suman's Corner -- 56:44 - 01:01:42

Events and Outro -- 01:01:43 - 01:05:00

"Fantastic Mr. Fox"

Colin:

Suman:

Laura:

"New Moon"

Colin:

Laura:

"Coraline" Haunts 2009 'Annie' Awards

It’s that time again! The nominations for the 2009 ‘Annie’ awards were recently announced. No, it’s not an awards show for the likes of ‘Best Supporting Orphan,’ but rather a celebration of the year’s finest achievements in animation. Annie, get it? But silly name aside, 2009 was host to an unusually diverse and accomplished array of animated features, which makes the running more exciting than the usual Pixar blowout.

Surprisingly, the film that picked up the most nominations was Henry Selick’s “Coraline,” which saw release in early February, proving that at least some judging panels do have longer than a six-month memory span. Most notably of its ten nominations, the film picked up nods for best feature, best character design, and best voice acting.

Among the other best feature nominations were Pixar’s “Up,” which could very well take off with the top prize, though probably doesn’t deserve it over Disney’s “The Princess and the Frog,” or Wes Anderson’s Roald Dahl adaptation, “Fantastic Mr. Fox.” Rounding out the category was “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs,” and “The Secret of Kells,” which I can’t imagine I’m alone in having never heard of.

I was disappointed to see Hayao Miyazaki’s film, “Ponyo” not honored (though the man himself is nominated in the ‘Best Director’ category), especially when bland fare like “Coraline” and “Cloudy,” received mention.

Outside of the Miyazaki snub, the list seems to be thoughtfully compiled, and in a year packed with so many great animated films, Pixar shouldn't be clearing off that mantle space just yet. The full list of ‘Annie’ award nominees can be found HERE.

Another 'Hangover' Coming

As a part of my ongoing campaign to rain on the parade of the millions who cackled their way through the blisteringly uninspired Summer comedy hit, “The Hangover,” I now cast my sardonic shadow over news that broke via Entertainment Weekly yesterday, that the script for writer/director Todd Phillips’ objectively unnecessary sequel is roughly half-way finished.

Of course, news of a sequel isn’t really news at all, as “Hangover 2” had been green-lighted preemptively. “The movie tested so well, Warner Bros. came to me even before it was released and said, ‘Let’s do another one.’” Philips said in an interview with EW. No plot details on his follow-up have been released of yet, but Phillips promises the film will not be a cookie-cutter rehash of the first, “I think you can take those characters and put them in other situations, and you don’t need the sell of Vegas and a bachelor party and all that other stuff.”

But then, “The Hangover” wouldn’t be “The Hangover” without a requisite dose of alcoholic overindulgence and lowest-common-denominator teenage pandering. Expect plenty of “Home Alone 2” esque ‘We did it again!’ sequences with whoever-we-can-get celebrity cameos and juvenile, ‘Dude, I was so drunk that…’ humor.

I may be in the vast minority for my contempt of the original, but I think we can all agree that sequels are a slippery slope. It may not be long before “The Hangover 3: Band Camp” is cluttering the direct-to-DVD wall at video stores the country over.